The most annoying elf in the kingdom
by AgentOfShip
Summary: When the grumpiest of mall Santas and the most cheerful elf in the kingdom are trapped in an elevator, they have no choice but to talk to pass the time!


**Wanted to post this one along with my other Christmas fic on Christmas day but couldn't manage to finish it on time so here's a New year's eve fic for you :)**  
 **Hope you enjoy and I wish a happy new year a little bit in advance :)**  
 **And now back to writing the last chapter of my two current long stories :)**

Work Text:

"Once upon a time there was a young Scotsman who decided to leave his blessed kingdom. His heart was heavy because he loved his home very much, but in the new world, he would be able to study the science of machinery. And the young man being as bright as he was -most even called him a genius- he would soon be able to create his own machines and sell them for enough gold to buy his poor old mother a beautiful house. But life in the new world wasn't easy and if the young man was hard working in his academic studies, he needed to work twice as hard at night to put bread on the table and a roof over his head. So he had no choice but to humiliate himself every night as he slipped into the clothes of a ridiculous imaginary figure asking spoiled little children what they wanted for the celebration of the Birth of a man who wasn't even really born in December.

But just when he thought his life couldn't be any harder, the young man met the most annoying elf in the kingdom. She was always trotting around the place, greeting every one who passed by with a ridiculously cheerful and shrill voice that gave the young man a terrible head ache more than once and insisting that he get into what she called the spirit of Christmas, even though he had no idea what that meant. And then one day, she asked the poor young Scotsman to help her carry a crate of presents for the greedy little children who never had enough, and insisted that they used the properly ancient elevator because she was too lazy to walk up a few flights of stairs while carrying the crate. The young genius insisted that he knew mechanics very well and that they shouldn't use it as it was too old and not taken care of but, as always, the mean little elf called him silly with her silly little voice and did only as she wished.

And as he predicted, the machine released the most dreadful noise before coming to a stop before they'd reached their destination. And that was how the elf would finally make the poor Scotsman lose his work and force him to live outside in the snow as he wouldn't have enough …."

"Ugh Fitz! You're not gonna get fired! Just press the emergency call button and someone will come for us in no time I'm sure!" Jemma sighed as she rested her back against the wall of the elevator.

"Hey I haven't finished my story, I was going to say that …"

"And you're not gonna get kicked out of campus either, your scholarship has everything covered, you just have to pay for food!"

"Well then I could still die from hunger because of you …" Fitz grumbled as he pushed the emergency call button with a little more strength than was necessary.

"Not with what you ate for lunch you won't!" She teased. "Got enough calories in you to last at least three days …"

"Oh so you're watching me eat now?"

"Oh yeah of course, watching you eat like an overgrown toddler is my new passion in life!" She retorted while pushing the button once more and taking off her hat.

Like he couldn't push a button without her checking after him.

"How do you know so much about me anyway?" He asked, taking off his own hat and wig then a second later his fake beard.

He couldn't believe he was going to die because of a faulty air conditioning system in an ancient elevator with Jemma bloody Simmons in a bloody ridiculous Santa costume three sizes too big for him!

"Fitz!" She sighed. "You keep mumbling about how you've been offered a scholarship to come study here and you shouldn't have to humiliate yourself in this damn job. Most employees don't even know your name and call you scholarship!" She said, rolling her eyes but he couldn't tell if it was because of him or those other people.

To be fair, however annoying she was, she was the only one who bothered trying to get to know him as they started working together and she didn't seem like the cruel mocking type he so often came across growing up.

"Oh great more people making fun of me behind my back, like I didn't have enough reasons to hate this job …" He laughed humorlessly as he pushed the emergency button repeatedly for ten seconds before cursing under his breath. "Is this thing even working? Is this even connected to something?" He cried out, seeing has no one had dared to answer to either of their call yet.

She just shrugged.

"But if you hate the job so much, why did you even take it in the first place?"

"Didn't you hear anything I said? I didn't have much of a choice …"

"Couldn't you find a job as a grinch?" She grinned.

"And couldn't you find a job as an even more annoying cheerful elf?" He knew it was childish and a pretty poor comeback but well … "I mean it's not human to be this happy all the time!"

"I'm not happy all the time!" She cried out in a tone that almost sounded hurt and it caught him off guards. "Just because I'm professional and act friendly with people who bring their children to see Santa Claus doesn't mean I don't have my own problems …" She sighed and apparently she was losing hope a bit as well because she took off her hat and untied her ponytail, massaging her scalp for a moment as her hair cascaded down her shoulders. It was the first time he was seeing her looking even just the tiniest bit disheveled and he found that he liked it a lot. To be honest, he kinda of liked how she looked even with her ridiculous hat and fake smile. He was only eighteen after all and finding her annoying most of the time with her bright personality and smart retorts didn't stop him from noticing her very pleasing looks.

"Sorry …" He mumbled, not sure himself if it was because of his assumption about her or the way his eyes got caught on the elegant line of her neck for a little too long. At least he could attribute his blush to the growing heat inside the elevator.

"And we're gonna get fired …" He added when she didn't say anything back for a few minutes.

"Oh just shut up!" She sighed then grinned when he couldn't move fast enough to avoid the teddy bear she threw at his face.

-0-0-0-

"Seriously though … how did you even get this job in the first place?" Jemma asked after a good ten minutes of silence.

They were now both sitting on the floor and even Jemma seemed to have lost hope since she hadn't tried pushing the damned button in the last five minutes. Fitz had now claimed the teddy bear as his own and was hugging it to his chest. He'd decided to get something good out of this nightmarish afternoon or at least die with a nice furry friend.

Okay maybe he was getting a little dramatic over their whole situation but he knew that whatever they were, Jemma Simmons and him were definitely not friends. She'd started working at Santa Claus village in the local mall just a few days after him and he'd found her infuriating after merely an hour spent with her. It was too bad really because when he'd learned he'd be working with another British student just as young as he was and potentially as brilliant, he thought maybe they'd have enough in common to become friends or at least pass the time together quicker. It would have been a nice change from most people in his class. And she was really smart indeed. But also ridiculously cheerful all the time and bossy and they could never agree on anything. And who did she think she was anyway? The Queen of Christmas?

"I mean putting aside the fact that you're the biggest grump in existence, you don't exactly _look_ the part!" She interrupted him in his internal rant and he couldn't help chuckling.

Considering his lean physique, under average height and the fact that people said he didn't even look his own age, he couldn't really disagree.

"I was supposed to be an elf …" He replied and she cocked an amused eyebrow. "Not the best prospect but at least I wouldn't have had to talk to the kids as much, just handling the cash register and things like that … But the guy they'd hired as Santa was arrested for public indecency so …"

"Oh no …" Jemma gasped in horror. "Not with …"

"No not with kids!" Fitz finished for her. "From what I heard, the guy got shit faced and just took off all his clothes in the middle of the street …"

"Oh …" She grinned.

"And they didn't have much time to recruit another Santa and thought my accent sounded very Santa like, because of course Scotland, North Pole, same thing" He sighed and she snorted. "I was gonna refuse the job but the money was better so …"

"WHAT?" She cried out. "You're making more money than I do?" She asked, sounding outraged and he couldn't help grinning.

"Well I am technically your boss …"

"Ugh you wish!" She said, reaching blindly for another plush toy and throwing it at him.

"Are Santa's elves supposed to be this violent?" He asked, grinning and even though she was trying to glare at him, there was also a bit of mischief in there and he thought it suited her really well. It was a nice contrast to the always nice, prim and proper Jemma who he'd never even hear curse once since he met her.

"I'm on a break …" She replied, throwing yet another plush toy.

"And anyway it's only because we live in such a ridiculous patriarcal society where Mrs Santa is just Santa's wife. I mean does it make sense that most parents accompanying their children here and shopping for their gifts are women but it's an imaginary man they're thanking for all of it? It would only be fair if at least …"

"Mr and Mrs Santa were equal!" Fitz finished for her and she gave him a surprised and, he thought, slightly impressed look.

"What? My asshole dad left when I was ten and mum's been raising me since then, juggling two jobs and still taking time to take care of me and the house. I did what I could to help of course but she managed most of it on her own. I always knew I never had anyone else to thank for all of it but her. Honestly if I wasn't born a feminist, I became one in the last eight years!"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Fitz wondered what came over him to say all these things, to her of all people, when he never said it to anyone else. It was like something in him had known all along that under all the exaggerated cheerfulness there was real kindness if he only gave her a chance to show it to him.

"Oh … I'm sorry …" She said, her tone soft. And not fake soft like she was with annoying kids and parents, sincerely soft and he wondered if he really deserved it, considering how grumpy he's always been with her. "I mean not for your mom, she sounds fantastic, but for your father leaving."

"Oh don't worry it's been a while and good riddance anyway!"

"Well I like that side of you, it's not so common …" She said with a warm smile. "You'd think men from your generation would be more feminist but you can't imagine how many of them are cro magnon idiots ..."

"Hum ... scrawny little genius boy here ... trust me I know!" He replied and she gave a knowing sympathetic smile.

"Who knows, maybe someday, Mrs Santa will be the boss of us all and you'll get the pay you deserve …" He teased.

"Hopefully by then I'll be the boss of my own lab, thank you very much!" She retorted petulantly.

"Oh by then you'll probably the boss of us all!"

-0-0-0-

"You know ...in American movies, people are always using a trap on the roof to get out of a broken lift … Shouldn't we try that?" Jemma asked sighing, like she'd somehow been debating with herself about voicing an idea she clearly wasn't comfortable with.

It's been more than an hour now. Obviously the emergency call button wasn't working and of course, neither of them had reception in here. Their only hope was for someone to wonder where their employees had gone and think about this old elevator Fitz was now 90% percents sure had taken them into another dimension.

"Yeah somehow, they always forget to mention that you're supposed to have tools to open the trap. And then what anyway? Are we supposed to climb up to the next floor and pull the doors open with our tiny little arms?" He asked, gesturing between the both of them as his eyes couldn't help but get attracted to the expense of creamy freckled skin laid bare where she'd unbuttoned the top of her costume and let it fall to her waist to reveal a simple white tank top.

As he started to unbutton the top of his costume as well, he wondered if the elevator was really getting hotter and he should worry or if it was just him.

"Oh …" She let out. "How disappointing …"

"I know … I might have developed unrealistic expectations about the US with all the movies I watched growing up …" He said and they both chuckled.

"I know, right?"

"Yeah the only frat party I've been to really lacked in alcohol and people jumping in swimming pools with their clothes on. I've actually had a nice conversation with someone two years ahead of me in mechanical engineering …"

"And apparently smart girls with glasses don't need to undergo a complete make over for attractive boys to realize they're pretty …" She added and he grinned mischievously.

"Speaking from experience?" He asked and she chuckled as she bumped her shoulder against his. At some point , they must have moved closer to each other without realizing it because they were now shoulder to shoulder. It should have bothered him considering how hot it was but it really didn't.

"Yeah …well I never wore glasses but hum you get the idea." She sighed.

"Like you'd need to change a thing for boys to notice you anyway …" Fitz mumbled, realizing too late that he'd said it out loud.

"Fitz!" She cried out with a fake gasp and a delighted smile. "Is that a compliment?"

"No …" He answered looking down at his hands. "Just an objective observation, I do have functioning eyes Simmons …" He said, rolling his eyes and cursing his body for betraying him as he started blushing quite heavily.

"Even better then …" She smiled softly.

"So hum what happened then … Did you find the love of your life?" He asked, hoping she'd accept the change of subject.

"Ah! Far from it … Turned our the attractive boy was incredibly dull, didn't have a single idea of his own, always agreed with everything I said, never challenged me …" She sighed.

Fitz couldn't help smiling as Jemma went on describing the boy and basically telling him how she got bored with someone who always agreed with her while their own relationship, if it could be called that, was based mostly on bickering with each other about everything all the time.

-0-0-0-

"Fitz I've been meaning to ask you something …"

"Sure anything, we're probably going to die in here anyway …" He replied and she rolled her eyes in amusement. "I'm not kidding … who knows how long we'll be stuck in here?"

"Ugh why do you Scots always have to be so dramatic?"

"I'm just being realistic … but hum I've thought about it and … if I die first, you're allowed to eat me, give you a chance to survive and then please sue their asses for not installing a functioning emergency call button and get some of that money to my mum …"

"Well Fitz …" She started with an almost fond grin. "That's strangely touching and sweet and … really really gross!"

"Hey … I'll have you know I've had a check up recently, I'm perfectly healthy, I'm sure I taste delicious!" Fitz cried out before realizing what this could have sounded like and started blushing as he put his hand in front of his mouth, which of course made her laugh out loud.

"I'm going to be nice with you and ignore the double entendre since I'm afraid your head might explode if you get any redder than you already are. I'm just going to say that if I die first, you're also allowed to … eat me …" She said, unable to hide a wide grin as she said it. "I was going to donate my body to science but since you're also a scientist, it's an acceptable solution … and that's all I have to say about it because I really don't want to be having this conversation so can we please go back to my initial question?"

"Yes please!" He breathed out with a relieved smile.

Fitz wondered how they went from bickering half the time and ignoring each other the other half to this rather nice friendly banter and making each other blush. Has he just been too grumpy about this job he hated to realize she was actually exactly this nice, funny and really smart girl he hoped she would be when he learned they'd be working together?

"Remember that little blonde girl earlier today?"

"You're gonna have to be more specific …" He grinned.

"The one who wanted a little pony and you insisted we didn't have any of those anymore when we clearly had and you gave her a spaceship lego set instead …"

"Oh yeah that one …" Simmons had given him such a death glare he almost changed his mind but fortunately she was too professional and remembered that they were supposed to make it look like Santa's the boss and they're all super happy to be here.

"I mean I know you think most of those kids are brats and I guess sometimes you're right but we were giving toys to poor families today, why wouldn't you give this girl what she wanted? It's probably the …"

"I heard them talk before …" He cut her off and she looked a little taken aback by the snappish tone he used but she didn't say anything and let him continue. "The girl and her mother, they were standing just behind our booth and arguing because the girl wanted one of those mini rockets you can build and launch from your back yard but the mom kept saying it was a boy's game and that we had plenty of plush toys and dolls that would suit her better …"

"Oh …"

She didn't need to say more, the look of outrage on her face was enough.

"I know … Didn't think people were still like that these days … Anyway, when it was their turn, apparently the girl had obeyed her mom and asked for a pony. And I mean I would have insisted to know what the girl really wanted but she seemed so intimidated to be here already, didn't want her to be scared of her mom as well so I just said we ran out of ponies and I mean a space ship is not a rocket obviously but that was the closest I could … WHAT?"

Jemma now had a wide tender smile on her face and the way she looked at him made him really uncomfortable … and a little bit warm inside.

"You're a softy …" She teased.

"What? No I just …"

"You're just a big fluffy feminist teddy bear disguised as a Scottish grump!" She insisted and he frowned even deeper.

"No I'm not! Take that back or I … I kill the teddy bear!" He replied and it only made her laugh even louder. Well, this might not have been the scariest threat he could have found and honestly he'd grown a little attached and he didn't think he could ...

"No you won't … you've been petting it for more than an hour like it was a cat but don't worry …" She said as she bumped his shoulder teasingly. "I swear I won't tell anyone although I don't see why you want to hide it, it's another really nice side of you you know …"

"Yeah?" He asked and he found that he somehow really did care about what Jemma Simmons thought of him.

"Yeah …"

"Yes well I just don't like it when people try to force things on their children …"

"Speaking from experience?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah ... my mom's always been supportive but my dad well … he had a very specific idea about how his boy was supposed to be like … and apparently it wasn't me …" Fitz trailed off, trying to dismiss the hurt he still felt about it with a humorless chuckle but apparently she saw right through him because she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"For what it's worth I think you probably turned out a lot better than what your father would have ever wanted for you. What you did for that little girl was adorable and I wish I'd crossed paths with more people like you when I was working on my first PHD. I mean it was complicated enough being a woman, it didn't really help being so young …"

"Wait What? first PHD?"

"Yeah …" She answered, blushing prettily.

"Wow … I mean … wow …and you're eighteen right?" He let out and she blushed an even deeper shade of red. "I knew you were smart obviously but you're a bloody genius!"

"Oh I wouldn't …"

"Oh please Jemma, not the time to be modest!" He teased as he nudged her shoulder enthusiastically and she chuckled. "Now tell me everything!" He said with a child like excitement he hadn't felt in a long time.

"What? About my first PHD?"

"The first one, the second, what they're about, everything!"

"It's going to take a while …"

"Do you have something better to do right now?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he nodded his head towards the most useless emergency call button in the world.

"Fair point …"

-0-0-0-

For the next hour and a half, they talked about her first PHD then her second one and then he told her about what he was working on for his PHD in mechanical engineering. And if they did talk over each other like they usually did, it was only because their brains couldn't contain the excitement of realizing they'd found a kindred spirit in each other. By the time a voice sounded through the speaker next to the emergency call button, they'd already found a way for Fitz to work on a delivery mechanism for the dendrotoxin she was developing, potentially giving both of them the possibility to graduate even sooner. Their voices had started slowing down as they were both getting drowsy and Jemma's head had fallen against his shoulder without either of them really noticing it, the smell of Jemma's flowery shampoo a nice contrast to the smell of his own sweat as the heat was starting to get unbearable.

The man's voice startled them apart and Fitz thought he caught a little blush on her cheeks before he stood up to answer the man's "Is there someone in here?" with a choice of words that wasn't supposed to be in Santa Claus' vocabulary.

In the end, it took the technicians another half hour to get them out. Their boss came to apologize for not looking for them in this elevator but added that for his defense, he thought it wasn't even in service anymore and didn't think anyone would dare using it. Fitz just gave Jemma a pointed look and seeing how sheepish she looked, he decided not to put the blame on her, insisting that they should just put a sign on it as the thing really was a hazard.

Since their shift had ended some time ago anyway, they both walked to the staff room to get changed and came out of it at the same time. As they walked in companionable silence towards the exit, Fitz was pretty sure she was walking slower than she normally would, like maybe she didn't want them to separate just yet and her hand seemed to brush against his in a way that didn't feel completely accidental. So Fitz knew it was now or never. Their shared experience had brought them closer but if he waited for them to go back to work, he would be grumpy again and they'd start bickering and he would probably have lost his chance indefinitely. So as they were about to stop and say goodbye before each had to go their own way, that's what gave Fitz the courage to ask:

"Do-you-want-to-go-for-a-drink?" He blurted out too quickly and winced at how high pitched and unattractive his voice sounded.

"I'm sorry did you just offer to go for a drink?"

"Yeah … if you want that is … my treat you know to ... make up for the extra money I make when everyone knows you'd make a much better Santa anyway … and hu … it was a hundred degrees in there and I'm completely parched and I haven't had such a fascinating conversation in ages but I-If you want to go home I would totally …"

"Fitz wait …" She cut her off. "Is it like a friendly drink because we're both super thirsty or is it a _drink_ -drink?" She asked with a pointed look that made him blush.

"Mmhh … I don't know … could be friendly … could be something else … you decide?" He answered with a shy smile.

She looked at him with an undecipherable expression for a moment but then a smile tucked at her lips, growing wider as she spoke.

"Alright lead the way!" She finally declared as she looped her arm around his. After a moment's hesitation, he started walking towards the only bar he knew where two 18 years old Brits could get a drink. His friend Hunter worked there and since he owed him a few favors, he knew they could at least get a couple beers before he remembered he wasn't in the UK anymore and asked for their ID.

"Hu Jemma?" He asked after a minute.

"Yes Fitz?"

"So hum … What kind of drink is it then?"

"I guess we'll have to find out together …"

-0-0-0-

Later, as Fitz was very enthusiastically kissing the sexiest elf in the kingdom under the fairy lights of Jemma's dorm room, he couldn't help letting out a small chuckle against her lips.

"What is it?" She asked, the breathy quality of her voice sending a thrill of heat down his body as she kept ghosting his lips with teasing kisses.

"I was just thinking that …" he started, sighing as he was momentarily distracted by the sensation of her fingers threading through his hair. "… you got me into the spirit of Christmas after all!"

"Well …" She started as she threw her legs across his thighs to get closer. "Play your cards right …" She added as she looped her arms around his shoulders to press her lips to his once more. As he felt a faint taste of cinnamon and peppermint from the candy canes and cakes they ate as they made their way back to the campus, on her lips, Fitz thought she even tasted like Christmas. And as her tongue finally made contact with his, he thought cinnamon and peppermint never tasted better.

He'd almost forgot that she still had to finish her sentence when, using her hold on him, she slid even closer until she was fully seated on his lap and looking down at him with dark mischievous eyes that sent a rush of heat directly to his guts. "… and you might get yourself into a lot more than the spirit of Christmas!"

Opening his eyes wide, he didn't have the time to wonder how he felt about prim and proper Jemma Simmons saying something so saucy because a second later, her lips were on his once more, hot and eager and his hands were on her waist pulling her closer and he knew exactly how he felt. Like he might get into whatever Jemma Simmons asked of him.

-0-0-0-

In the end they weren't fired that night, their boss even offering them the next morning off to recover from the dehydration Jemma insisted they were suffering from and they both gladly accepted it.

However, they did get fired a week later when they were caught in quite a scandalous position in what they thought was a staff only supply room by their boss' grand daughter. And when Fitz tried to explain to the little girl that Jemma was just Santa's favorite elf and it was just her special way of sitting on his lap to tell him what she wanted for Christmas, it just made things worse. So seeing the looks of disgust and disapproval on both their boss and the little girl's face, Fitz and Jemma just sighed, apologized for their very inappropriate behavior and left the room to go and empty their locker.

"Hu Jemma?" Fitz asked as she saw her pack her elf costume amongst the rest of her things into her backpack.

"Yes?" She answered with that same innocent smile he'd seen on her face for weeks but that didn't fool him anymore.

"You know we're supposed to leave those here right? Or they'll take it on our paycheck."

"I know …" She answered before taking a few steps towards him and wrapping her arms loosely around his waist.

Hu. Apparently the mortification of being caught during a very heated snogging cession about to turn into something else and the humiliation of being lectured by their boss because of it, and then fired, hadn't killed his body's interest for the closeness of Jemma's one. So he gave her a soft kiss to the lips before moving away from her. He knew the power she had on him and how not at all prim and proper she could be when she wanted to and he couldn't possibly be caught in a compromising position with her twice on the same day.

"But I thought … you seem to have really gotten into the spirit of Christmas lately. And I thought Jemma the elf could help keeping it that way …" She added, trailing a suggestive finger down his chest, her slightly bashful smile betraying the fact that she wasn't exactly used to act like that and he found it even more endearing. Because it felt like he was bringing something new out of her and it made him feel special.

"I don't have to keep the Santa costume do I?" He asked and she laughed out loud.

"Nope … I want to see all of your pretty face when I kiss you." She answered, getting closer once more and he didn't even pretend to push her away this time.

"You know, with the memories of the past week with you, I think I might stay in the spirit of Christmas for the rest of my life" He half whispered into her ear, wounding his arms around her waist and pulling her with him in an hidden corner of the locker room.

"Well … one can never be too much into the spirit of Christmas …" She said against his lips before capturing them in another peppermint flavored kiss.

As they finally made it out of the mall half an hour later, holding hands and with matching smiles on their faces and red spots high on their cheeks, it was hard to tell they'd both just lost their job. And if Fitz still didn't believe in the magic of Christmas, now he definitely believed in the magic of the most lovable elf in the kingdom.


End file.
